


Broken Wings

by Meme_And_Yaoi_Trash



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 14:45:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6859276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meme_And_Yaoi_Trash/pseuds/Meme_And_Yaoi_Trash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>!!Set after season 11, spoilers up to 11x21!!</p><p>Sam and Dean convinced Cas of ejecting Lucifer.<br/>Cas tells the brothers his story and explains why he gave Lucifer permission to enter his vessel in the first place.<br/>Dean then continues to care for Castiel and makes sure the angel's safe.<br/>Apparently Lucifer hurt Castiel more than originally thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Wings

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language so please be understanding if there are small grammatical mistakes
> 
> Advice, Comments and Requests are always welcome

Dean's POV

“You hungry?”, Sam asked.  
I shook my head.  
“Dean, you gotta eat something! When was the last time you ate something?”  
“I don't know.”, I said.  
I felt Sam's eyes on me so I thought about it and answered truthfully:  
“Two days ago.”

Sam stood up and walked into the kitchen.  
“That's enough, you will eat something now. You will, even if I have to feed you, understand?”, he announced before walking out of the library. 

Something pulled inside my chest, wanted me to walk somewhere, anywhere, so I decided to go into my room.  
Cas was still lying on my bed, eyes closed and mouth slightly open.  
I hesitated on the doorstep – should I really watch him sleeping? That was such creep-behaviour.  
I decided to do it anyway and sat down next to the unconscious angel. 

He had ejected Lucifer nine days ago and he lost consciousness right after he managed to expel the devil.  
He was still unconscious and I was worried as hell.  
Absently I lifted my hand and placed it on Cas' forehead.  
It moved through the dark hair and I was just relieved to have Cas back.  
Not Lucifer but Cas.  
MY Cas. 

Even if he was unconscious, he was safe here and not the condom of some bullshit archangel.  
And when he would wake up I would be there by his side and never leave him again…

*Half an hour later*  
*Sam's POV*

I left the kitchen and walked into the library – only to find it empty.  
Of course I knew where Dean would be if not in the library and so I made my way towards Deans room.  
The door stood open which was highly unusual for Dean.  
I knocked and entered the room.  
Cas was laying on Deans bed and my brother laid next to him, his hands curled up with Cas'.  
Deans eyes were closed and he breathed evenly in and out.  
It was the first time in more than a week that I saw Dean sleeping peacefully, without nightmares or even sleeping at all. 

I left Dean's sandwich on his bedside table and left the room, quietly shutting the door behind me.  
These two needed some private time, even if that only meant sleeping next to each other (“or being unconscious in Cas' case”, I remembered). 

*Deans POV*

I heard a quiet sneeze next to me.  
My eyes shot open and I stood on both feet, gun in my hands, in a matter of seconds.  
I then saw that there was no monster inside my room, no ghost to kill, no demon to exorcise.

It was an angel.  
It was my angel. 

Cas laid in my bed, his eyes open and a tiny grin on his lips.  
My whole body was trembling.  
I shot forwards and sat down on a chair next to the bed. 

“Cas!”, I breathed out. It was barely more than a whisper but it was enough for Cas to turn his head in my direction.  
“Dean...”  
I grinned relievedly.  
I felt more happiness right now than I felt for several weeks, maybe since the wrestling match that Sam and I had visited some months ago.  
And that ended with my childhood-hero being killed by hellhounds so that gotta mean something, right?

“Cas, oh good god, you're awake.”, I whispered.  
“Where am I?”, he asked.  
I raised my eyebrows but answered anyway: “In… In the bunker, in my room. You were unconscious for nearly ten days, Cas.”

The angel's eyes widened in shock.  
“Ten days?”  
“Nearly, yeah. Oh, you should drink something. Do angels drink?”  
I held a glass of water towards his mouth and Cas drank all of it in one swallow.  
“What happened? We were in this old ware house and I fought against Lucifer… Then everything went black and I woke up here.”

I swallowed. 

“Well, we trapped you in a ring of holy fire so that Lucifer wouldn't be able to perform any tricks and then you expelled him.  
You collapsed on the floor and nearly fell into the flames, it was pure luck that I was able to catch you in time.  
We brought you into my room where you stayed like that for nine days.”

“Dean? Dean, I heard voices, what are- Cas!”  
Sam entered my room and ran next to me. 

“You're awake!”  
“Sam, it's good to see you.”, Cas smiled weakly. 

“You've got to tell us what happened, we-”  
“Sam, calm down. He only just woke up, give him some time!”, I commanded harshly and looked at Cas.  
I was so relieved to see him well up, sure he was weak and a bit besides him but he was alive and he could remember us.  
That was more than I hoped would happen. 

“It's okay. But it may happen that I won't be able to retell everything, it all happened SO fast...”  
“Take it easy, Cas, we've got time. Don't push yourself.”, I said worriedly. 

Cas stared at me and began telling his story. 

“Dean wanted to find the darkness, see if she was alive or not. I followed you, of course.  
Like I thought you would, you got sick and sicker with every feet you got closer to Amara so I had to go on alone.  
“If it worked and she is dead – bring her body out.”, Dean had said.”, Cas turned to Sam.  
““And if not?”  
“Run.”  
These words were repeating themselves inside my brain.  
I tried to believe these weren't the last words I heard Dean saying.”

I swallowed hard, sadness spread inside me.  
It was so easy, sometimes, to forget that Sam and I were basically the only human friends Cas had and that he had no other friends any more, neither on earth nor in heaven.  
We were the only ones he had left and if we insulted him it must mean the world to him…  
I felt so bad at that moment.  
Cas pulled me out of my thoughts when he continued the story:

“Suddenly the sky went from light blue to dark black, like it was the middle of the night.  
The forest got thicker and the trees seemed too big, too thick to be real.  
I heard something moving in front of me, thought it was the darkness and I was prepared to fight.  
It turned out to be only another angel, Ambriel, doing the same job I did;  
seeing if the angel smiting worked and Amara was in fact dead.  
We moved on together but Ambriel reached her before I did.  
I was too late.  
Ambriel's grace got sucked out by Amara.”

“Wait, so you saw Amara there? And she was alive?”, Sam asked.  
Cas nodded. 

“She was hurt. I don't think she was very strong but as she consumed Ambriel's grace she kind of got more powerful again.  
Before I could do anything she had me pinned against a tree and placed her hand on my chest.  
The next thing I knew was an aching pain there and I was in hell.  
You know the rest already, you, Sam, were in the cage with Lucifer and Crowley, Rowena, Dean and I were trying to get you safely out of there.  
Then we were in the cage, too and Lucifer had Dean in his grip, ready to kill him.  
I couldn't let you die...”, he whispered, tears in his eyes. 

“I attacked my brother so that he let go of you, I hoped you two would be able to get out some way.  
It worked, at least in one way; Lucifer left you two alone and instead beat me.  
Somewhen while we fought I gave him permission to take over my vessel.”

“But Cas, it's not your vessel any more. Jimmy is dead, it's just his meat suit.  
It is your body now, when you were human, it was you who lived in there, you who had to take care of it.”, Sam wondered.  
“Why did you give him permission? We would've found another way to-”  
Castiel remained silent. 

“Cas. Why did you do that? I nearly went crazy without you...”  
Now really crying, Cas avoided my eyes.  
“I thought I was of no use in the fight against Amara.”, he whispered.  
My eyes grew wide.  
“Why did you think that? You always helped us, you helped stopping the apocalypse!”, Sam protested and I, too, had a thing or two to say to Cas.  
“And disregarding the apocalypse and whatever else you've done as an angel, you are our friend.  
You were always there for us, you risked your life for us! How could you think you were expendable…?”  
“There were several occasions where I was told exactly that, that I was expendable.  
That you two are 'the real' heroes and that I help but in the end you two get remembered, you two are the heroes.  
I'm the little helper, if I die you'd get somebody else to help you.” 

He looked away and I bit my bottom lip.  
I got the feeling that it was my fault.  
I often shouted at Cas for he always fucks shit up even if he has good intentions. 

“Why didn't you tell us about your worries? We could have assured you that you are wrong.  
We would never be able to replace you – with anybody! And believe me, Dean nearly died without your attendance.”, Sam smiled sadly. 

“Nobody cares that I'm broken. I help you and my worries and fears have got nothing to do with the job.  
I have to ignore them. I'm not allowed to be have fear or to be distracted by emotions.”, he explained mechanically, as if he had repeated these words in his mind a thousand times. 

Then it made click in my mind.  
Didn't I once tell him that 'nobody cared that he was broken'?  
I was the one who told him that… It really was my fault that he was so broken!

“Cas...”, I whispered.  
“I'm sorry. We care about you.”  
I pulled the angel up and in my arms. His whole body was shaking and I felt him burying his face in my shoulder.  
He shook with silent cries while I simply stroke over his back. 

I could feel Sam's eyes on me, he was smiling this stupid happy 'I-told-you' smile and it was pissing me off.  
He always pretended like there was something between Cas and me but there was nothing!  
We were friends, for god's sake, just platonic friends!  
I closed my eyes to avoid my brother's gaze. 

It took a while for Cas to calm down and when he did, he sat back on the bed and continued his story, still trembling but at least he wasn't crying any more. 

“At first Lucifer always kept me conscious, he forced me to watch everything he did.  
He lied to you, pretended he was me and then went back inside where he confronted Crowley and Rowena.  
He snapped Rowena's neck and locked Crowley inside a dog kennel. He took over the throne and mostly played video games while waiting.”

“Lucifer played video games?”  
“It was rather boring to spend your time with demons.”

“Oh – of course.”, I laughed but quickly stopped. Maybe not the right time for jokes?

“After that he left me mostly alone. I found a quiet place in my mind and watched TV. I waited for the finale fight.”  
“You watched TV? Inside your own mind?”  
“In my mind I was inside the kitchen of the bunker. I don't know why but it had flawless reception.”  
Sam and I stared at each other.  
“You didn't even TRY to fight back?”  
“Like I said, I didn't think I'd me much useful. I chose it even if I regretted it afterwards.  
And then, one day, you summoned Lucifer to make a deal.  
I didn't see anything of that, it was only when you, Dean, called my name and commanded me to show myself that I had no other choice than to do that.  
Lucifer found me in your kitchen talking to you and we fought again. He then took control again and I continued watching TV.”

“Lucifer won that easily?”  
“I was weak, I hadn't got exactly many reasons to fight for and he's an archangel. Of course he won.”  
“You just continued watching TV? Like nothing had happened, you ignored the fact that I stood outside there, risking our lives to talk to you?”, I asked aggressively.  
“Believe me, Dean, I didn't ignore it. I wanted to talk to you, there was nothing I would rather do but I had no chance against Lucifer. When Crowley appeared Lucifer nearly tore him into pieces. I was waiting for the right moment and I hoped it wouldn't be too late then.”

“What happened after that? Amara appeared and she took you and Lucifer with her, didn't she?”, I asked and remembered what happened the other day.  
“At first I was left alone, in your kitchen-”  
We nodded.  
“-But then Lucifer appeared in the kitchen, full of blood and screaming and it kind of affected me. Everything Amara did to Lucifer was did to me.  
You wouldn't believe what she did to us in that empty factory.”  
He shuddered and his eyes were full of tears again. 

“After being tortured for days without a break she suddenly stopped.  
I was already wondering what had happened when I felt myself taking control of the vessel. Lucifer was unconscious.  
Amara's hand kind of slipped in my mind and gripped around my chest, touching my heart.  
I thought she felt my pulse but she did more than that, she-…”

“It's okay, take your time. You're safe here.”, I smiled sadly.  
“She looked through my memories. I have got memories that are so important or so meaningful to me that I keep them safe inside my heart rather than my mind and she…  
she saw them all. There aren't many memories in my heart;  
The one where we met for the first time in this barn, the days we spent together before the apocalypse happened, the time we worked together to free you from the mark and one that isn't even real.  
She saw you, Dean, in the memories and she used them to built up a link to your mind.  
I saw how she appeared in the bunker while you were alone and how she showed you a picture of me, telling you I was hurt. Without my memories she would never have been able to do that to you, I'm sorry...”

“It's… It's alright, Cas.”  
I was too surprised to hear that Cas kept Sam and me literally in his heart, that I cared about it leading Amara into our bunker. 

“You saved me from the darkness and kept me in a circle of holy fire so that Lucifer was powerless.  
By that time I wanted to expel him myself but it was a hard fight.  
You used the same symbol you did when you commanded me to show myself, didn't you?”  
Sam nodded.  
“I wanted to, I did my best. Eventually I beat Lucifer but he hurt me really bad during that fight.  
I don't know yet how bad it is. I remember seeing Dean's face for the first time in weeks and that got me over the edge, I don't know. Suddenly I was powerful enough to eject him but I can't remember anything after that, sorry.”

“You're awake again, Cas. That is more than I hoped for.”, I grinned and Sam clapped him on his back.  
“You should sleep, cure yourself.”  
Sam grinned towards me, left the room and closed the door behind him. 

Cas looked at me through big, blue eyes and I didn't know what to do.  
While he was gone I wanted to talk to him so desperately, I knew thousands of things I wanted to tell him but now that he was here, I had no idea what to say. 

“Cas-”  
“I've missed you, Dean.”  
“I'm glad your back, you have no idea.”

Cas rolled on his side and closed his eyes, a tiny grin was on his lips.  
I was wondering what I should do before I slowly climbed the bed and laid down next to him, putting one of my arms around his waist.  
My finger linked with his and it was right there when it occurred to me how perfectly our hands fitted together.  
We slept like that and it was the first time in weeks, maybe months, that I didn't only sleep without having nightmares but I was also genuinely happy.

The next day  
I woke up next to Cas, our hands were still linked together.  
I couldn't do anything than to smile and stare at the sleeping angel for several minutes.  
Castiel however seemed to feel something had changed because he opened his eyes rather quickly and stared right back at me.  
“Morning.”, I mumbled, smiling.  
Cas answered with a grin. 

Okay maybe Sam was right in this one… That wasn't normal platonic friend behaviour but still… Cas wasn't only a friend, he was an angel. Things were different with angels!

“I should take a bath...”, Cas whispered and slowly stood up.  
He didn't take three steps when he fell on the floor.  
I ran towards him and helped him up.  
“You're too weak, Cas! No way I will let you walk around alone here, not when you're still ill.”  
“But-”  
“I'll help you.”

I lead him to the bathroom, opened the door and helped the angel out of his blood-wrenched clothes until he stood there in nothing but his boxers.  
Cas sat down in the bath tube and I turned on the hot water.  
He looked terrible; his whole body was covered in scars and scratches, wounds from both bullets and knives.  
The worst thing however were the two long scratches on his back that formed between his shoulder blades and went down to his lower back.  
They were parallel and looked equally painful.  
“Cas… Do you feel your wings?”, I asked hesitantly.  
Cas concentrated himself but soon widened his eyes in shook and shook his head.  
“Dean, what-”  
The hot water was flowing down Cas' body now and I saw him relaxing a bit.  
“I think Sam should take a look at all those wounds on your back; he's better in the whole medicine thing and he knows the anatomy of angels WAY better than I do.”, I mumbled and helped Cas washing his back and arms. 

After the bath I gave him some fresh clothes from me and lead him into the library where Sam was already reading something. Fucking nerd. 

“Hey Sam.”, I called my brother and helped Castiel take a seat in one of the chairs. 

“Morning Dean, Cas. How are you?”, he asked Cas concernedly.  
“I'm… fine.”  
“Cas!”, I warned.  
“No. really, I'm fine. I got no Lucifer inside me, I don't have to fight against Amara and I'm with my two friends. It's good.”

I had to suppress a grin and turned to my brother.  
“Hey, nerd. I wondered if you could have a look at Cas' back. He's full of scars and wounds and his wings...”  
Sam looked at me with a mixture of concern and surprise and nodded.  
“Sure, if you think I can help...”  
“Thanks.”

Cas sat up straighter and got rid of the flannel shirt.  
“See these long stripes? There should be his wings and he says he can't feel them any more.”, I whispered in my brother's ear and gave him a meaningful look.  
“Could you bring me a pair of glasses dunked in holy oil?”, Sam asked and I was surprised but did as he told me to.  
Whatever it takes to help Cas…

Sam put on the glasses and looked at Castiel's back again.  
“And?”  
“Hey, Cas, could you please spread your wings once?”, Sam asked.  
Cas tried his best but according to the look on Sam's face there wasn't much of a result.  
“Please, you've got to tell me when I hurt you now, okay? I don't know how sensible angel wings are...”  
All I saw were Sam's hands moving through thin air but Castiel moaned and groaned so apparently Sam did something.  
“Don't stare at me like that, Dean!”, Sam snapped angrily. He looked very concentrated. 

I didn't know what Sam was doing but I, too, put on a pair of in holy oil-dunked glasses and suddenly it made much more sense.  
Sam's hands weren't moving through thin air, they were moving along two thin, black bones.  
They had only few feathers on them and the few that were there were pitch black, darker than the night.  
“Cas… Wow...”, I marvelled.  
“You should have seen them when they were in their normal size and when I had feathers...”, Cas mumbled sadly. 

“Cas, tell me if I'm wrong, but you can't move them much any more, right?”  
Cas tried, I saw the wings shaking a few inches but that was all. No comparison to when we first met and he wanted to impress me with these huge wings. 

“What's wrong with them?”  
“I don't know for sure, I can only imagine that while you were fighting against Lucifer in your mind, he might not have hurt you but your wings...”  
Cas' eyes found a mirror and he watched himself and his wings inside the reflection.  
His eyes filled with tears.  
“My wings...”  
“I'm sure that the feathers will grow back but you won't be able to fly again. Your wings are broken beyond repair, they will stay this way…  
I'm sorry Cas.”, Sam sad dead serious.  
“There has to be a way!”, I protested but my brother shook his head.  
“Not as far as I know.”  
Castiel leaped from the chair and ran into my arms.  
He caught me off guard but I managed to catch the angel and not fall onto the ground.  
“Sshh...”, I whispered.  
“The feathers will grow back, your wings will look as gorgeous as they did before.  
Sam and I never had wings, we never knew what it's like to fly. You taught us some angel power, we will teach you some human tricks. Shhh it's okay...”  
My hands stroke through his hair and over his back. 

I pressed a light kiss on Castiel's cheek which apparently seemed to make him at least a bit happier.  
So happy that he turned his face into my direction and pressed his lips on mine.  
The kiss was light, our lips were barely even touching but I enjoyed every second of it. 

“I told you, Dean. Took you ages to get together, didn't it?”, Sam grinned.  
Cas turned to my brother, smirked and said:  
“Big talk coming from you. Have you made your move on Gabriel yet?”  
He turned back to me and grinned. 

“No he hasn't. But I have.”, said a voice from behind me.  
'Heat of the moment' was quietly playing in the distance. 

“Hiya Dean and Cas. Great to see you two together at last.”, greeted us Gabriel.  
The archangel then walked up to my brother and kissed him straight up on his lips. 

"Hey, Cas?", I asked.  
"What, Dean?", Cas answered and beamed up at me, happiness shining through his eyes and his whole body.  
"What is this memory inside your heart that isn't even real?"  
"Oh it is real now. These were my fantasies of this moment right here."  
I lifted my eyebrows.  
"Standing in the bunker cuddled up inside your arms and kissing you while Sam ist happy, too... It's perfect."

He was right. It was pretty damn perfect.

Here we were;  
two humans and two angels, kissing each other and smiling like love drunk idiots.  
I couldn't have been happier.


End file.
